School. Fundraisers.

With school in full swing for our family, I wanted to bring up a touchy subject: School Fundraisers.

I need to start by saying how much I sincerely appreciate our school’s PTO! They are a special breed and do so. much. for our schools.

Now for the truth bomb- I can’t handle all of these school fundraisers! 1 a year, sure. 37 a year (I’m obviously exaggerating- or am I) not so much. Not to mention I have 3 kids in school. It’s hard enough to ask people to buy for 1 kid! Because let’s be honest, us parents do all the work!

“Hey, Hi yeah, Kid is selling overpriced wrapping paper, chocolate covered peanuts and popcorn. I know your kids are selling the same but mine wants to watch their teacher kiss a goat, so if you could just write a check, that’d be great.”

I mean really the only people my kids actually ask to buy anything are the grandparents, and of course those suckers take the bait!

It’s madness!

Cutting box tops off cereal boxes, not a problem! People are going to buy groceries anyways. Girl Scout cookies, those things basically sell themselves. Coupon books, maybe. As long as I can check out what coupons there are to make it worth my money. Chocolate bars- ehhhh, still on the fence about those. In our case, we have to front the money and hope that they sell $60 worth of chocolate, or it’s staying at our house. If I need to, I can walk my [big] happy ass into that school and show them exactly why I do NOT need $60 worth of chocolate in my home!

And I know I may seem heartless, I know that the money goes towards the schools, which we LOVE, but if we are going to do so many, can we at least think of better things to sell? I mean, I can think of a few right off the top of my head. And I know I’m not alone when I say, I buy the crap that I don’t need, just so my kids don’t feel left out! Things I would happily buy for a fundraiser:

Wine club subscriptions- Because, kids
Gift certificates for coffee shops- Because, kids.
Selling gift cards around the holidays. Easy shopping for everyone!
Coupon books for places people actually go. Who doesn’t love a good deal at their favorite restaurants and/or stores?
~~Therapy session gift certificates.~~ Oh sorry, that one’s just for me!

The list could go on and on but really what’s the one thing these ideas all have in common? THEY’RE ACTUALLY USEFUL! Don’t get me wrong, not ALL fundraisers are terrible. I just bought a $20 card from our cousin for football and that thing is amazing! BOGO FREE at my favorite coffee shop (Biggby, HOLLA) every time I get a coffee. I got my money back in 1 week! (Do not tell my husband!) But why don’t we ever sell that kind of stuff for schools.

Ya know, now that I think of it, if I was in the PTO, maybe I could address this. But that would mean I would actually have to volunteer, shower more often, and make myself somewhat presentable throughout the entire school year. That just seems like a job for people who have their lives at least somewhat put together. Not mediocre moms like me, whose neighbors catch them yelling “IDIOTS, GET IN THE DAMN CAR” to their kids on a daily basis. I think I’ll leave that up to the moms who actually get dressed every day.

Or maybe I could come to the meetings and exchange wine for volunteer time?! Hmmmm… Anyways, can we all agree that 1 school fundraiser a year is enough? And if they need more money throughout the year, just get all the families (adults only) together for a reverse raffle, get them all drunk and they’ll be throwing money at the schools. WIN-WIN!

End of rant.

I’ll just be over hear checking out the catalog to see what kind of junk I can buy from my kids this year. I might not like the idea, but I’m still a pushover!