Love Languages

We’ve all heard of the Book “The 5 love languages” by Gary Chapman. If you haven’t, I will safely assume you’ve been living under a rock! If you have been living under a rock, let me give a generally run down of the book. Mr. Chapman explores the 5 universal love languages and why it is important to identify yours AND your partner’s. Each person usually has a primary and secondary language. Here are the 5 brief descriptions:

Acts of Service– Instead of saying “I love you,” show your partner you love them by doing something to relieve them of stress, without being asked.

Words of affirmation– Hearing your partner express their appreciation of you; giving encouraging words

Quality time– Spending uninterrupted time with the person you love; Giving undivided attention

Receiving gifts– Giving a gift or a kind gesture to show appreciation. Giving your partner something to tell them you were thinking of them.

Physical touch– Physical gestures to show affection.

If you still aren’t sure which category you fall under, or aren’t really sure which one describes your S/O, go to and take the quiz!

If you already know where you are on the chart, how do you feel about your love language? Let me tell you, up until this point I was in denial. I’ve taken the quiz about 4 times in the course of a few years and I would never tell the truth 100%. Finally, I swallowed my pride and took the test with truthful answers… sigh.

My love language- Receiving Gifts. Yikes. You know you’re thinking it too, “Materialistic Much?” That’s what I always thought. I tried to tell myself that I was a quality time kind of gal, but truth is, I just want quality time with myself. I could give or take words of affirmation and I knew I wasn’t physical touch. Of course, Acts of service; that was it! I was convinced that was me. I mean, I’m the queen of giving “suggestions” of things to do when I’m gone and when I come home and those chores are done, I’m pumped! But then my wonderful husband pointed out to me that even when he does certain things around the house, sometimes I don’t show my appreciation. Ouch! That’s a tough pill to swallow. And when I finally gave in to believing that I do love getting gifts, I felt like an ass! I mean, we are very middle class, and who the hell was I to want gifts all the time? We don’t have that kind of money to expect that! But then I read the description of what it meant to be someone with this love language.

Receiving gifts isn’t about the “gift” itself. The thought that is put into the gift is what really matters. I know this to be true, because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “I don’t care if you spend $1, I just want to know you put thought into it,” when talking to my husband about a birthday or anniversary gift. And when people tell me they don’t do gifts with their S/O for holidays, it legitimately makes me sad! Why? Because I love to GIVE gifts also! It takes me forever to pick out a gift for someone’s birthday because I don’t like to get just anything! I want it to be special somehow. It’s actually kind of exhausting!

My husband, he’s a words of affirmation guy. He doesn’t necessarily tell me that he likes affirming words, but he definitely lets me know when I don’t use them. Ya see, sometimes when I give him these “honey-do lists” and he does things that aren’t on it, I get irritated. I’m not saying it’s right, I know, I can be a brat sometimes. He was trying to do things that he thought would be helpful and all he wants is to be appreciated for that. All I have to do is show my appreciation of the things he HAS done and say thank you, and he will be a much happier guy.

BUT! The problem with having different love languages is you usually show your love the way you want to accept it. And when that person shows you in the way they want to receive it, it gets a little tricky! Good communication and conversation skills are key when trying to figure out your partner’s love language. Or screaming and crying like a psycho till they finally realize what it is you want.

Okay, maybe that last idea isn’t good (trust me, doesn’t work) but you get what I mean!

Moral of the story, never feel bad about your love language. Always try to figure out your partner’s language, and do your best to act on it. Remember, everyone has a special way they say I love you. Pay attention to your partner. What do they do to show you their love? Chances are, that’s how they want you to do. And whatever their language may be, don’t make them feel bad. Wanting gifts doesn’t make them materialistic, it means they want to know you were thinking about them. Wanting to hear that you are appreciated isn’t vein, it just means they want to know that they’re good enough. And holding hands might be just the right amount of physical touch your companion needs. I might personally refrain from “gettin’ jiggy with it” in public, but to each their own!

Love is a beautiful thing, people. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of work to show it!

Photo by Rikki Renee Photography

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