By now, I think all my readers can assume that I live in a house full of utter chaos. If you’re one of these people, you are absolutely right! If you follow my Instagram stories (shameless plug: @themeltdownmama) you will notice that most of my videos show lots of messes, kids screaming, and me complaining. If you know me personally, you’ll know that I always wanted a big family. I knew that the territory would come with some craziness. I knew there would be an occasional meltdown, a possibly trip or 2 to the ER, and a few surprises along the way. I just didn’t know how crazy things were going to get. If I’m being honest, I kind of strive on a little crazy. But with the addition of my wild child, I was *blessed* with enough ridiculousness to last about 3 lifetimes!
With all the madness that I’ve already consumed in the short 10.5 years of parenthood, sometimes I still look back at certain situations and think, “I still can not believe THAT actually happened.” And when I’m telling people certain stories, I feel like I have PTSD. In this case the PTSD is 100% real.
Your child is taking a nap, or so you think. You’re getting any and all chores done for the day and you’re so grateful for the uninterrupted time! Or, you are just waking up for the day and realize your child never woke you up. You go to check on “said child,” and before even touching the door knob, you get hit with the overwhelming poop smell. “Oh boy!” you think. “This is going to be an intense diaper change!” You open the door and the scene is like something from a horror movie, but exchange blood bath with toddler feces! I’d heard stories of kids smearing their bodily fluid everywhere, but you have no idea how scary it is until you’re there! I didn’t have a baby monitor in the room at the time, so I’m not sure how long the diaper massacre was taking place. But let me tell you, there was crap EV-RY-WHERE. It took a good 30 minutes of scrubbing and searching for extra poop on her little body. An entire roll of paper towels was used to clean the walls, crib, crib mattress, and anything else that was touched. It took 2-3 times of cleaning the sheets/blankets to get the wretched smell out, and I don’t even remember how much laundry detergent we went through.. that first time!
That’s right, folks, this didn’t happen just once. This didn’t even happen 2 or 3 times. This happened literally a dozen times!
I know what you’re thinking, “why did you LET this happen that many times?!” Shamefully, I have no idea. I think I was so unwilling to let the naps go, for fear of going crazy. This all happened when, “said child” was between 15-20 months old. And not only was I dealing with, what I could only assume, was a psychopath in the making, but I also had a brand new baby born smack dab in the midst of it all! To say this mama was scarred is an understatement! And the most irritating part of it all, was that “said child” could crawl out of her crib! So, instead of just getting out of the crib and annoying her mother like any other child, she decided to traumatize me with her crap!
After about the 10th time of this, I couldn’t take it anymore. Clearly, this kid could not understand my frustration and I had no other choice. I put her in the bath and instantly put her under the water before it got warm. Looking back, that may have been borderline torture. Don’t worry, the water eventually got warm and she got me back by still making a mess with her diaper a few more times after; joke’s on me!
It was after the 12 or 13th time (I lost count) we got rid of the crib and put our sweet girl in a big bed, and VOILA! No more “poopssacres!” Did she stop taking naps before 2 years old, yep. Did I go a little crazier, also yep. But I guess that’s part of parenting!
Moral of this absurd story is, as a parent, you may have the craziest experiences with your kids that make you feel so alone. But, I promise, you are not alone! Everyone has their stories. And all you moms with only 1 child or “perfect” children, don’t worry, your time will come!
I can tell these stories time and time again and each time I do, the emotions come flooding back. It was a little funny the first time. It was even a little laughable the 2nd and maybe even the 3rd time. But after awhile, it just wasn’t funny anymore. I thought for a slight second, during the midst of it all, that I was losing the “unconditional” part of my love for my child. Had she done it just one more time, I may have left her on the curb with a “FREE” sign attached to her! I’M KIDDING…………kind of.
In all seriousness, don’t let these crazy stories define you as a parent. No matter how many times you have to clean up smeared poop from a child and/or the walls, you are still a good mom! And it’s okay to not think these things are funny, even though they will make everyone else pee their pants laughing. Sometimes, kids are just the worst.
But man, do I love these little turds!